I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
