your parents love me but you hate me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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