i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize