Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
