She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
