He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
