Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
