im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
