so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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