Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
