I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
