My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
