It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
