..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
