cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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