but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
