If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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