My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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