I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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