with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
