was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i out mim tonsoeep
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