So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
