The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
