I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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