The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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