I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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