I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
