I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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