I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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