No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
