I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
