My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
