mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Randomize
