Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he shaved USA in his pubs
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
