OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
