I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
