batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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