I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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