Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
