How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
