ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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