Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
