Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
