so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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