Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
