Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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