How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
