My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
