yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
