i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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