Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
