Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you traded sex for a burrito?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
