Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
