The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
