she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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