you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
