ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
