God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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