My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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