I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Boobs are out for the taking
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
