I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
