im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
